How are you doing????

Hi, how are you? Hi, doing good? Howdy, you doing OK? (In my best New Yorker accent) How are yooooouuu dooooing?
Now I want you to think. Are you thinking yet? How many times have you said that where you really did not care if they were doing well or not? I can hear your thoughts now, I have ESPN, "well I care everytime, I am not just saying that because that is what I am supposed to say". I will at least be honest, I have many times said that as rote and never really expected to get any more than, "fine, how are you?" from someone else. And of course I responded with my politically correct and polite, "great, thank you." And we go on our merry ways happy that we have brought a smile to the world. Are we really that insane?
For you see, I have come to realize that people who ask me how I am doing really are not that concerned with how I am doing. So I have decided to put it to a test, and I want you to join me.
But beware, if you decide to do this, when you ask "how are you doing?" you need to really care how they are doing. Because if you just do this to be funny you are missing the point.
Now for those of you who have decided you really care, the next time someone ask you how you are doing, you should use one of these punchy lines. See how they react, do they just continue on like you said, "fine" or do they actually stop what they are doing and show genuine interest.
Okay? Ready? Here are some ideas for you when you are stopped and and asked how are you doing?
- Pretty good, my house burned down. But all in all good.
- Okay I guess, considering that I am dying. (kind of morbid I know but we all really are dying everyday.)
- OK, other than that abduction by aliens the other night I'm pretty good"
- Great, I just ate radiation and I am feeling luminase!"
- Horrible, my 401K just went in the toilet, my ulcers are acting up, I think I may have a gastrointestinal parisite, my knees, hips and shoulders need replaced, my medicare coverage sent me a statement that said die already, my hairline is receding, my waistline is expanding, college is looming, chocolate is bad for you and then good for you and now bad for you again, we are out of coffee, and the toilet is stopped up. But hey thanks for asking.

Have a great day!!
Pat