Well actually it is not a new movie, it is like "Friday the 13th part 33". I remember when the first one came out. Me and some buds were staying up all night watching movies and one of them pulls this one out. Now I hate scary movies, I got scared of the cartoon "The Legeng of Sleepy Hollow" and the headless horseman as a kid and just don't like them. But watching this movie with a room full of guys turned out pretty funny. We started telling the poor fools to look out when they did stupid stuff to keep from getting killed. So I thought on this scarry night I would enlighten you so you can make it through the night.
10 Rules never to break if you are in a scarry movie...
1) never go off by yourself...
This is a recipe for disaster. Usually it is the big, strong, tough guy or gal who says, "you guys stay here, I will go get some help". That is Stooooopid. The bad guy is waiting for you to leave the group so he can kill you all alone. Remember the banana that leaves the group gets peeled!
2) Never go investigate a sound in the basement...
If you hear something in the basement, DO NOT go down there! Especially if the light does not work when you flip the switch. Go and shut the door and deadbolt it! Under no situation are to go to the top of the stairs; open the door and say, "Hello, is anyone there?". That is a sure sign you are about to be killed. And if the light does not work when you try to turn it on, run away! There is nothing worse than getting killed by something you can't see.
3) Never investigate a sound outside an open window...
If something is moving outside the window, go across the room as far away as possible from said window and cower in the fetal position. That thing moving by the window is waiting for you to open it and stick your head out to look so it can grab you. Don't be stoooooopid. Send your dumb friend to check it out first!
4) For those romanticly involved...
When there is a serial killer on the loose, it is not the time for the two of you to go off by yourself (remember rule #1) and get all mushy on each other so you don't hear the bad guy walk up on you. It is like a blue light special in the mind of a killer, "Two for one special over on aisle 4!!!"
5) Never try to reason with a killer...
Don't grovel, don't try to talk them out of it, they are insane, that is why they are killing people you moron!! When face to face with the killer, run away as fast as you can, you might be able to outrun a killer but you will never convince them to not kill you, that is what they do!
6) When running, look out for sticks...
Granted if you run away there will be something that trips you up so you fall down to give the slower killer a chance to kill you. Look out for rocks, sticks, logs, canoes, dead bodies, and other things laying around that will trip you up. And if you fall, make sure you don't break something, if you breaks something, that is a sure sign you are not getting out alive!
7) Never go outside and say like... anything...
Do not go outside and start gabbing when there is a killer in the area. Walking around saying stuff like, "is anyone out here?" or "I am calling the police", that just leads the killer right to you. If you go outside, be like a ninja; stealthy and don't make a peep and you might just get away without the killer noticing. Going out and yelling at the top of your lungs is a good way to get dead!
8) When frightened, as hard as it is do not scream...
Oh, this one gets them all the time. Adrenalin is pumping, they are all keyed up because out there somewhere is a killer. So they are making their way through the woods, or the old spooky house, or the amusement park when all of the sudden, WHAM! Something moves or something gets knocked over and you scream at the top of your lungs. Usually it is a cat, who is not in cahoots with the killer, but the cat knows he can't get away with killing you so he alerts the killer to your presence to accomplish his fiendish task.
9) If you find a weapon, hold onto it...
It is kill or be killed baby. If you find a gun, make sure it has bullets in it and that it works. If you find an ax, for heavens sake hold onto it, don't just use it to bash open a door and then lay it down. Get anything that you can hold, shoot, fire, throw, burn, bash or mash that might deter a bad guy from making you his next victim.
10) And the most important rule...
If you get invited to a party, at a place where there are known serial killers residing in the area, just say NO! Find something else to do that is less risky. Something like paragliding, or surfing with sharks, or eating glass. When your girlfriend says, "lets go to this spooky old haunted house where 75 people were killed by some serial killer who has yet to be caught", grab her by the shoulders, and use her as a human shield to get out there in one piece. She may not appreciate it then, but she will the next morning when she reads the news about all the people who did not heed these rules.
Have a great night!
1 comment:
Wow...you're morbid and weird among other things...a little warped...
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